Someone called my school asking for me last week. It was only the third time anyone had called me on the school phone in a year and a half. Naturally I assumed it was my supervisor, but fate was about to pee on that idea.
“Hello” I said.
“Hello,” said a polite voice.
There was a long pause.
“Hello?”
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
Another pause.
“Hello, this is Michael.”
“Hello, Michael-sensei. Nihongo wo shabete mo ii desu ka?” Meaning, "Is it all right if I speak Japanese?" It wasn’t all right with my brain, but I said yes anyway.
The very polite voice turned out to be a very polite man. Let's call him Dave. Dave is the director of FM Hikone, my town’s biggest radio station (as far as I know or care to research). After fifteen minutes of our broken Japanese and English, I deduced that he wanted my opinion on cultural plazas in Hikone.
After another fifteen minutes, I deduced that he wanted me to record identification jingles for the station. Naturally, I agreed because it would be easy at best and really, really funny at worst.
Of course this led to various absurd daydreams throughout the workday that went mostly like this: After my voice jingles air all over Shiga, a visiting TV producer from Osaka hears my soothing tone and says, "Hot DOG, Tracy! That voice is quite a number. Get that station on the horn pronto and find me the name'a that golden throat!" So the station tells him how professional I am and I start voice acting all over Japan. Then from Japan, I go to America. Then I create my own cartoon. Then I buy Nickelodeon and make it good again. Then I give Conan his own show and I go on that show and talk and buy a million houses the end.
So anyway, I got directions to FM Hikone and I found out that it was next to the stone shop in my town. Yes, a shop that sells large stones. For an extra fee, you can get your stone chiseled into something resembling not a stone.
All day long, it was beautiful riding-to-a-radio-station weather, as they say. But as soon as I got on my bike, it became perfect final-showdown-with-Agent-Smith weather.
With no recourse, I rode my cycley-mobile as fast as I could through the rain, which got me just as wet as I would have gotten while walking. Either way, by the time I got to the stone shop I wasn’t completely soaked. If I was to present myself to my temporary boss with any style, I’d have to do it soon.
Unfortunately, this was the first time I noticed there are THREE stone shops on Hikone’s main street. I don’t know how many people are buying humongous slabs of stone every day, but they were really effing me up by demanding that there be three shops on one street.
At this point I was pretty sure my grand plan wasn't going to work out and I wouldn't be getting my million houses. The part where Dave tells the TV producer, "He's really professional" would become "He's always late and covered in rain.
After calling Dave I found out the station was down the road from the second stone shop (of course!) and arrived at FM Hikone. As I entered the radio station, I was met with profuse apologies, which surprised me because I was set to apologize myself. I accepted the apologies on the terms that he never let it rain so heavily again.
Drying off, I sat down in the recording booth to do the quickest set of voice-overs I’ve ever done. Ten phrases, two takes each, no retakes. After fifteen minutes of impersonating Duffman, I was finished. My favorite phrases were “My lovely hall, your favorite spot,” and “Go and go and GO ON!!”
For one reason or another, they didn’t use every phrase they wrote out for me to say. I was under the impression that I was doing the station ID, but what they sent me afterward were the Hikone Culture Hall’s daily announcements mixed with a sign off. The audio plays every morning and night, or so they told me. I don't actually own a radio because its 2010.
One of the main questions that an ALT asks him/herself as he/she gets ready to depart/go away from Japan is, "Did I leave my mark?" Some people do it by carving their name into something prominent like a town statue or the mayor. That was my plan until recently. But I think the fact that my students and their parents will be hearing my voice for years to come (whether they know it or not) is good enough for me.
Here's FM Hikone's mascot named "Kyara" or "Chara" which is short for "Character". Yeah...
